Express Yourself!

A New Year

So we are mostly back together again, finally.  Chris has had the same cough since October right after we moved into our house, and I still wake up feeling a little congested, but for the most part we are all better.  Life since we moved – really, since I went back to work at Children’s after maternity leave - has really thrown me off balance, and forced me to be very flexible, good humored, and patient in order to avoid going crazy.  Especially around the holidays this year.  Typically, the only vacation I ever really take from work is two weeks off around Christmas and New Year’s.  I like to have a block of time with which I can pretend to be a stay at home wife and artist (and now mom), while joyfully throwing myself into the general buzz of Christmastime.  Chris and I then spend a good chunk of time together, often away from home, around New Year’s to take a good look at the last year, decide what we’d like to do differently in the coming year, and plan our next set of goals or personal resolutions.  We didn’t do any of that this year, mostly due to our illness. So lately, it has been on my mind a lot.

2007 was a very very full year for us.  Lots and lots of ups and downs, momentous events of both joy and disappointment, and changes of all kinds.  One big part of this, of course, was having a baby.  That has changed everything, in a positive, but very different way. People often ask me how I enjoy being a mom, and comment on how much it changes your life.  I have answered that in many ways, having a baby has made my life much simpler.  My child is the most important thing in my life, aside from my relationship with God, and my marriage.  Those things come first, and that’s just the way it is.  Thus, it is much easier to prioritize my life.  Many choices are much easier to make.

But the really hard part about this is that really, my everyday life does not reflect my priorities.  You see, we’ve made the conscious and very difficult decision of pursing a dream that we feel will best benefit our family in the long run, but in the short run it requires a bit of sacrifice and a lot of hard work.  While I maintain a full-time, professional career in Human Resources, I am building a small business with my husband, a dream we both share for our family.  We also have a baby. And we bought a house.  Thus, with full time work at each place, the time we have leftover must be split very carefully between our marriage, our son, church, family, friends, hobbies, getting our home together, personal health, and other life interests (that wasn’t necessarily in order of importance!).  Lately, it has just been marriage and son.

My main goal for 2008 is for my everyday life to reflect my priorities, the top of which are God and my family.  After two years of hard work, long hours, and not spending as much time as we’d like with family, friends, or our hobbies and interests, we are at the door of our dreams being realized.  See, I never saw myself as a working mother.  Working full-time in a corporate environment, I mean.  Well, I always saw myself working - just not in job that took me away from my child for about 10 hours out of almost every day, doing work that used none of my God-given talents.  I never intended to have a child only to have someone else raise him while I went to an office.  And I don’t believe God gave me the talents and passions I have only to have me put them in my pocket while I went to an office.  I don’t mean to criticize corporate careers, or even my job – it has been a great opportunity that I for the most part have enjoyed.  I don’t think anything is wrong with a corporate career at all.  I just think it is wrong for me personally, and for my family. 

Our store allows us to work the many required hours on a flexible schedule (a lot of it at any time from any place), to work with family and friends, to meet a lot of new people and develop new friendships, and to provide an outlet for our creative interests.  Not to mention leaving a lot more time leftover for family, friends, church, and…well, life.  And sometime within the next year I should hopefully be able to make this transition, and start bringing some balance back into my life.  For a time, I wasn’t sure what my 2008 goals would be.  We have our business started.  We have a house.  We have a child.  Those were some big ones that we’ve been working toward one way or another for a while.  Now that we have them, what was next?  Balance.  That’s what’s next for me in 2008.

E is for Entertaining

Christmas tends to be party time, doesn't it?  Christmas and summer, both big on parties.  I suspect that the Christmas party idea extended at least back to pioneer days, when neighbors got together for one last hurrah before the winter weather had them all penned in at home. 

I can't imagine Christmastime without the people I love the most.  I love to entertain, although entertaining need not be fancy.  A mug of hot chocolate and storebought cookies with a friend can be just as wonderful as a full meal with appetizer and dessert with the full extended family.

I like to try at least one new recipe each year, as something special for my friends and/or family to try.  So far so good!  We haven't had a dud yet.  Last year we made these little savory thumbprint cookies that were almost like little egg and cheese souffles.  They were SO good - I got the recipe out of a Martha Stewart magazine, I sure wish I could remember which one.

My most important "entertaining" of Christmastime is a special dinner just for Chris and I.  It's pretty simple, and usually enjoyed for Christmas eve.  In my house, we called it "bits and pieces."  We go to some fancy grocery store we don't normally shop at, like Central Market, and wander the isles picking out "fancy" finger foods to enjoy.  Usually this consists of a couple cheeses, fresh bread, flavored olive oil, a selection of choices from the olive bar, dried figs and dates, nuts, a pomegranate, salami, turkey breast, and I don't even know what else.  All I can say is yum. 

Some of our best moments together are spent over food.  Did you ever notice that?  We're intoxicated by the yummy flavors, tantilizing smells, the pretty table set before us, and we're all seated, facing each other, giving our full attention to one another, rather than TV or radio.  We just get along better.  Shortly after I started college, I got really into formal entertaining, specifically tea parties.  Throughout the years I've learned more and more about the balance between making the event extra special for my guests so that they feel pampered, and spending less time in the kitchen and more time at the table.  I enjoy cooking so much, and I also enjoy expressing to my loved ones how important they are to me, but I also want to actually spend the evening with them too.

I'm not sure what we'll do this year, now that we have Ben.  I imagine a lot of entertaining will be involved, whether it be at our home, or at someone else's.  As this is a time of celebration to us, we find it best to spend with others.  We want Ben to be able to spend time with people that love him, and for those people to get to hold him and love on him.

Its been a while since we posted a photo.  Here is one of him last night.  Daddy put a toy on his head. 

Silly daddy.

Thanksgiving Goodness

"Welcome to my heart, Spirit of Christmas - I've been waiting for you all year!"  -Kimber Anne Engstrom.

Well, it was a fine Thanksgiving weekend, wasn't it?  The weather over here in Washington State was our family's absolute favorite - bright and sunny, but cool and crisp.  I of course was inside for all of it, however, but that is exactly where I wanted to be, as I was cooking up a storm.  I know that most people are trying to get away from the whole spending-all-day-in-the-kitchen thing, but I'm young and energetic and still want to make things from scratch, so I was very happy. 

I split most of the cooking with my mother-in-law - she made the traditional things, and I made some brand new things.  I was so proud of myself this time, I actually was staying on schedule.  See, i print out my recipes, and write down exactly what needs to be done for each, and what time they need to be done, so that everything's on the table at the right time.  Unfortunately, I hadn't taken into account the need for Elaine and I to coordinate when she arrived at our home with four dishes that needed to be heated up, and two dishes of mine that needed to be made at the last minute, while keeping the stuffing and meat warm. 

Ah well - I know better now what to do for next time, and the food really did all taste good.  We had turkey, stovetop stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green beans with toasted almonds, balsamic cipollini onions, cornbread stuffing with roasted fall vegetables, brussels sprouts with chestnuts and gorgonzola, cider glazed pork loin, then all the usual accompaniments.  I made Chris' favorite appetizer - a baked brie wrapped in phyllo dough and stuffed with a mixture of toasted pecans, caramelized onions, and dried fruits.  I was thinking of putting this recipe in the next newsletter, but then I realized that is the January/February Newsletter, so it isn't really fitting.  So, I'll just blog it, then you can make it for your guests!

This Thanksgiving was one of my more meaningful ones, I think.  I am so thankful for so many things, and I love a holiday that centers around gratitude.  Gratitude must be rather important to have an official, government-declared holiday dedicated to it, don't you think?  I am so thankful that I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving in our new home.  I realized that at 29 years old, we now have a business, a home, a son, friends and family, even a cat.  I've had some less than wonderful days lately, but when I look at the big picture, I realize that we are truly richly blessed.  Currently I'm reading a series of books I haven't read since I was a child, which is set with a family of pioneers who have traveled west to stake their claim in uninhabited territory.  We take a lot for granted here in America.  I can open a refridgerater full of food and complain that there is nothing to eat.  I could complain that our house needs a paint job, new carpet, or a bigger kitchen, but I have running water, a roof over my head, and warm bed to sleep in.  My child is not only healthy and happy, he sleeps through the night!  And now we welcome in the first Christmas season in our new home, with our new son, and I am just tickled.  To see Christmas through the eyes of my child...I can't imagine any higher privilege in life.

Happy Thanksgiving, and welcome Christmas Spirit!

Store Blogging & Birthday

Hi all - sorry for being so quiet, but we've had a lot of fires to put out lately, and I've been at the store most of the time.  I am still thinking about my encyclopedia letters - I have C picked out, but so far no D or E.  But it'll come to me!  I probably won't pick up again until after this weekend, as for my birthday I get two whole days with just my husband.  I don't even want any presents, I just want to walk and drive around, holding hands, looking at things and talking about everything we love.  Likely we'll stick around Snohomish then, because I love this little town, and living in it hasn't reduced its charm.

I have been doing some blogging on the store blog, though, so if I'm quiet here, chances are I'm not quiet there, and vice versa.  I think it might take me some trial and error before I strike the right balance between the two blogs, as much of what I want to share on the Weed Patch blog I would also love to share here, but is it tacky to cross post?  Oh, I'll figure it out.

Anyway, these are photos of a trip we took to Snohomish before we moved here.  Ever thought of even moving here.  In fact, I don't think we were married yet in these photos.

Two sets of lovebirds...

Have a lovely weekend, Happy Birthday to me!

Breakfast in Tub

I had a nice morning today. Well, at first it wasn't so nice - I kinda feel like I'm coming down with something, and I did something rotten to my neck because I can hardly move it. So I took a bath to see if I could loosen it up a bit. Aaaaahhhhhh.... I haven't taken a bath since before I had Ben. (Well, I've bathed, I just haven't taken a bath. So, here I am in this gloriously yummy water, complete with orange and peppermint essential oil, when Chris brings me my favorite tea, then proceeds to make me breakfast and bring it to me in the tub. He hands me this mess of eggs and veggies, which really didn't look all that good, but it was GOOD. Really good. He just brings it in, and says he hopes it tastes good, then "oh, and I took photos for your blog." That was the best part, it cracked me up. Now he's taking photos for my blog. I love it.

It's kind of hard for me to remember to take photographs of my life, which is especially unfortunate as I never seem to remember much of anything unless I have photos to remind me. Blogging has been a wonderful way for me to start taking more photos. So has having a baby.

We've been pretty busy around here, but pleasantly so. We're starting our most difficult and exhausting, but fun time of year - converting the store to fall! Within about two weeks we should have all the fall stuff out, and it is so much fun. I don't know what it is about September and pretty much the rest of the year - it's like a universally loved season. I really enjoyed spring this year. And I am thoroughly enjoying summer. But autumn....oooo, I can't wait...

Happy at Home

My time at home on maternity leave has whizzed by so far. Today Benjamin is 10 weeks old, so I'm halfway through my leave time. It is interesting how different I am at home than I am at work (at least, how different I feel). I've been puzzled by this for the five years since I first noticed it. It occurred to me the other day when I was taking a walk outside how good I feel when I'm not indoors. Everything about me inside brightens up, my brain is more awake, and I think and see things more, and...I'm just...happier! Maybe that is what is effecting me at work? Until I got my job at the hospital, I had spent every day of my life with a significant portion of my time spent outside. In every school I've been to, I had to go outside to walk from class to class - elementery school, high school, and college. We lived about 12 miles outside of town on 10 acres in the country, so there was always stuff we had or wanted to do outside.

Once I started working at the hospital seven years, I spent every day all day indoors. Being inside all day long, especially when I can't even see through a window, makes me feel like I'm very slowly dying - kind of like a flower wilting due to insufficient water and sunshine intake. Whenever I feel down, I always feel significantly better almost immediately upon walking out the door, no matter the weather. It just feels right.

I must admit that the thought of going back to work really does not thrill me. It's not the work, or the people - I do enjoy it, for what it is - but the whole corporate life, being inside all day, looking at numbers and figures, just does not appeal to me. It is not my passion. It makes me feel like I am missing life instead of living it. It is interesting to me how much women have shunned, some quite emphatically, the stay-at-home lifestyle. Our mothers worked so hard to make it into the "man's" corportate world, to be considered as equals in all ways including the workplace, to be seen as more than "just" a housewife and mother. This subject comes back relatively often in my conversations with my great friend Holly. We love being mothers, wives, and homemakers. I love to spend time with my family, care for my son, be helpmate to my husband, clean the house, cook delicious meals (or try), create beautiful things for the home or as gifts for loved ones, and everything that goes along with all this. I even enjoy laundering and folding my son's little outfits. We eat healthy homecooked meals, spend more time with our family and friends, get more exercise and fresh air, and are more involved in each other's lives. I love this. It makes me feel alive. Now, why haven't I felt this way for the last 7 years in my job? Do I have a bad attitude about my job? Do I need to make better use of my time, be more organized, work harder, or make better choices day-to-day? Or was this job really only meant to be temporary?

All people are made deliciously different. Which is wonderful. It is the spice of life. Some people want to work full-time in a job and setting like mine. But right now, I just can't imagine wanting to do that. And I guess that makes me feel guilty sometimes, like "not everyone gets the priviledge of staying at home to work as a wife and mom, somebody has to work at these places so they can run properly and provide the services the community needs, so I should just work and be grateful about it." But then I think that perhaps some people do not find what I do all day very appealing either. Let's see, today I have done several loads of laundry, washed our dishes, fed and changed my son multiple times, cooked dinner, picked up the house, wrote thank you notes, fed the cat, said hello to a neighbor, taken Ben for a walk outside, and a number of other related tasks. I was on my feet for probably 11 out of the 12 hours of the day. My own meals, personal hygene, and other needs went on hold, as my son's came first. Many folks might find this to be a completely dull life. But I absolutely love it. It makes me happy. It makes me feel at home, that I'm doing what I was made to do. Home, God, family, and creating are my passion. So why do I feel so guilty about it? Its like if I'm happy, then I must be not be doing what I should be doing, because toiling to earn a living shouldn't be fun - treating myself, playing, is fun. Not being productive. Work and fun are mutually exclusive, right?

My heart knows this is emphatically untrue, but my head is having a hard time with it. I seem to be one of those people that is only happy when they are miserable, because I tend to make things so darn difficult. Silly me! I see this is something I'll have to think and write on more over time.

Enter the strawberry. Don't ask me why in the world a jar shaped like a strawberry the size of a soccer ball appeals to me, but when I saw it, I knew it belonged in my kitchen. I don't collect strawberries, and didn't particulally need a cookie jar. But the thing just makes me happy. Every time I see it in my kitchen, it makes me smile. Happily, the price was within my budget, so I purchaed it. And now it is in my kitchen and makes me smile every day. That's all. And I'll just leave it at that!

Except of course for the usual photo of Ben.

Sigh. I am happy.

Labels: baby, Home Sweet Home, ponderings about life

Rainy Day

Ahhhh...it is raining. We here at the Tindall home love the rain - especially after all this hot, humid, muggy weather. I never used to love rain until I met Chris, who REALLY loves it. There's just something about it. All my senses seem to be heighted during and after a rainfall - all the smells seem more fragrant, all the colors seem brighter, that sort of thing. Its like the rain washes all the dust off everything and leaves it glistening. And since no one likes to be out in the rain, it is always so still, with the just the pleasant white noise of the drops saying "pitter patter, pitter patter" (except a lot faster than that). We like to get in our car and take a drive with Loreena McKennitt playing, and talk about our dreams and the things we love.

I'm sitting here at the computer with Ben on my lap and the cat at my feet. One thing I'm discovering about being a wife and a mom is how much demand is placed on my attention. In the last year I've gone from one person (husband), to three people (husband, baby, psycho-cat) needing me to pay attention to them. Someone always needs or wants something. Now I am not complaining at all, as I love the fact that I have three different personalities that love me and want to be around me and need things from me - some people don't have anyone. I just find it interesting how different my life is - how I think, what I do, my priorities, even how I talk have all changed, and are all geared around the juggling of priorities: baby, husband, cat, self. I'm starting to believe that to be a wife and mom you need a degree in office coordination, time management, housekeeping, counseling, event planning, cooking, and multitasking to name a few. Not to mention a boat load of patience! Every day is an adventure. It is challenging at times, but I am taking such joy in my son. It is so important to have an attitude of joy, or you miss out on so much in life. I may be juggling 50 things at once, Ben may be sitting in my lap filling his pants, but when he look up at me and gives me his big toothless grin and a gurgly giggle, everything is perfect.

Art Journaling on a Deserted Island

This week in my artistsjournals Yahoo! group, someone asked a couple of good questions: "If you were on a deserted island what journaling supplies would you have to have with you? Now could you answer this question with limiting yourself to just three items? How different do you think your journals would be if you didn't have the outside contact and eye candy available to you?"

Assuming the journal itself is a given, my three favorite things would be a black drawing pen, like Pitt or Micron, a nice watercolor palette, and a set of prismacolor colored pencils. I would hope I also had a way of sharpening the pencils and a brush to paint with, so I suppose that's five things instead of three, but those three mediums - watercolors, pen, and colored pencil - would make me happy on a deserted island.

I think most things in my life would be completely different if I wasn't around other people to compare myself to and find new and creative ways to criticize myself and seem unworthy to do art. Actually, I did grow up in the middle of nowhere, and while there, I don't ever remember having a problem sitting down to do art, deciding what to do, and knowing exactly what I had the ability to do. It was when I moved to the city that I started second-guessing myself. Not like it was the city's fault, or that the city makes me feel insecure, but it can be both very encouraging and intimidating to be surrounded by so many talented and diverse people.

One thing about being in the middle of nowhere is that its just you and nature all around you, and you just don't pay so much attention to what everyone else is doing - you just marvel at creation and digging your hands into the stuff of life, quite literally sometimes. Plus, you get to walk out of the shower in the morning, wrap your towel around you, and walk out accross the lawn to the street to get your mail if you wanted to, because no one is there to see you or care except for the trees and birds. How can you do thinks like that and NOT have great things to write and art about?! :)

So, without anyone to compare myself to, without deadlines to pressure me or hubbub of the world to complicate life, I'd like to think I'd do my best work. Hmmm....are there any available deserted islands anywhere????

Art, Ideas, & First Loves

I was reading over an old issue of Somerset Studio today during my lunch break at work. There's really just something about those back issues that I love - they tend to have some really great articles that refer me back to more formal mixed media art, some that is much simpler, clean, less busy. This particular issue got me thinking of my first loves that I haven't tapped into in quite a while, I guess because I've been too busy trying to be what everyone else is being. I love to read the wisdom and insight shared by the artists in these articles - they have truly thought things through, learned and grown. I was humbled by the artists in this issue, as I realized that I simply do not take the time to stretch and challenge myself anymore, because it won't create things fast enough for me to feel like I've been successfully productive. I am tantalized by my first loves of colored pencil, handmade papers, simple sculptures of wood, paper, and light, oil paintings, and detail drawings. It has been too long since I've shared a project with them, and I miss it.

I definitely think way too hard about all the wrong things. Again, I don't seem to stop long enough to allow myself to formulate my thoughts. I can never think of the right words for what I am trying to express, and I work way too hard to force meaning into what I'm doing. The meaning should be the starting point driving the project, not something I force feed in later. What can I introduce into my life to exercise these muscles again? Some of these things I may have already recently started, things I prayerfully chose to pursue or refrain from during the Lenten season - delving into those things that remind me of who I am and make me feel the most me. Slowing down, in general, would be good.

I wish I could take time to do art and journal every day. How do I focus without becoming legalistic with myself? I blossomed while at school, always did so well in each assignment, testing the limits and boundaries of each project given to us, finding ways to make the ideas mine. I think the main point here is that the original idea really wasn't mine, so the scope was automatically narrowed down to considerably and I did not become overwhelmed by all the possibilities. It's not like I can't think of my own ideas, its that I can't seem to manager them. Too bad they don't teach us in school how handle our ideas ourselves, running with them instead of being run over by them. Can anyone relate to this?

Anyway, just some thoughts, stuff running through my brain this week. I'm feeling a big motivated to whip out that art journal again…

Thoughts on life and my art

(Late night blabbing with myself) I think some of my work could be called...I don't know, dare I say Shabby Chic? I don’t think that is the right term and seems kind of silly, but I am still exploring and figuring this all out, and this was a good starting point. The whole idea of taking the neglected, used, worn around the edges, seen-better-days things and giving them new life, new purpose, turning them into something beautiful is what I am so passionate about. I like to do that with people too. I think my art is a reflection of my compassion for the left-behind, hurt, lost, and neglected. I feel their pain as if it were my own, I just want to wrap my arms around them in a warm loving embrace and help them see themselves as God does - unique, loved, special, and designed with purpose. Art is my way of digging into the nitty gritty of life, not just living out an existence. Through texture, color, touching, smelling, seeing, reusing, recycling, and making glorious messes of all kinds, I can dive headfirst into this wonderful universe of emotion, people, places, food, thought, music, and experiences of all kinds. I love to live, and doing art helps me live. No, it is HOW I live.

God himself is a creative spirit - he created everything in heaven and earth, including us, and as we were made in his image, I guess the way I see it is that we were born to be creative too. The imagination and ingenuity of the human race never ceases to amaze me. Some may mistake my passion for a Pollyanna outlook that is not rooted in reality, but what kind of a reality do we have without our creativity? It is what brings color into an otherwise black and white world. We all make our choices in life - try as they might, people cannot cram us into a box based upon their judgments, we can only jump into it ourselves or allow ourselves to be pushed in. You choose what perspective you have about the world; as you sift through your various experiences, you decide what kind of attitude you will develop about life. For me (as the quote says) it is not a matter of my cup being half full or half empty, but being thankful that I have a cup. And that is why I am an artist.

Hmm...wow, this all kind of came out at once. Definitely something worth thinking more about! Raises such good questions...